after the hectic schedule of the last few months just sitting at bandstand and enjoying the sunset was pure bliss.....

Being Mother Hen

I am the mother hen. I am the person who gets this urge to take care of people I care about. It has been like this from my school days. Even then people felt comfortable confiding in me, taking my advice (not that they followed them all the time) or just using me as their emotional dumping ground. Even the parents of my friends and classmates felt the same. They used to depend on me to take care of their wards and feel at ease if I was there with them whatever they were doing. Why? I was the same age as them! Is it because I was bigger in size or more street-smart? Or am I supposed to feel good about myself thinking it was because I was more mature than my contemporaries? Some of them definitely yes but definitely not all. Then why? Of course I used to bask in glory of my superior status. But was it easy? Taking on others problems (most of the time I really cared) and acting as their crutch at times? I had lots of friends all my life. Friends who really cared about me and respected me for who I am (though every now and then I used to really shock them with my actions). Then why did I feel so lonely the last two years of school? I was definitely not alone. Then I went to university and all was well again. But to get back to what I was saying is I am the proverbial mother hen (actually to think of it with the bird flu in the air maybe that is not such a great comparison… lol). I adopt children left and right and make their concerns mine. Mind you, I am not the overbearing mother who dictates her children but someone who is always there when the they need me or just a sounding board. But sometimes it gets too intense and I feel like I need to let go. And there lies the main problem. I just can’t seem to let go. Why? Is it because being this mother hen is not so much for their benefit but for mine? That I need the gratification that comes from the feeling of being needed? Is it totally one sided? Why cant I use most of them as my sounding board? It is not as if they are not wiling. What is this urge in me to be the strong one? I know sometimes I just get tired of being strong. A friend told me “you can’t always think about others, you matter too.” But isn’t that exactly why I want to be the mother hen. Because then I not only matter to myself but for all these people too. So is being strong for others my weakness? Am I basically just a self centered gal pretending to care for my own gratification? Shame on you Titin!!

But I really do care about these people! So is it really wrong to get some pleasure out of it?