blue is the colour of hope

Dishe hara je mor mon
Kishe sharthok ei jibon
Khuje phiri kothae nebo thai
Charidike sobai mor
Keu bhalo keu mando ghor
Apon maan jeche setha berai
Mone bhabna tabu ghire royeche sodai
Ato chawa niye kothae jai
Keu ba mathae keu pithe
Amar bolae hath mithe
Diye jae kato na bahobai
Karo sandeho oti
Sheshe holo ei goti
Galo ki biphale jibontai
Mone bhabna tabu ghire royeche sodai
Ato chawa niye kothae jai
Pagol hoye je ami
Dami hoi aro dami
Kato daam jani na amar chai
Nebe ke kine amae
Tate kiba ashe jae
Theme jete bharosha na pai
Mone bhabna tabu ghire royeche sodai
Ato chawa niye kothae jai
Chhilo bandhu ak amar
Pelem hathat dekha tar
Bhaboghure chalachulo nai
Tabu khushir hasi besh
Thote hae na je tar sesh
Ki tar daam she kare ni jachai
Mone bhabna tabu ghire royeche sodai
Ato chawa niye kothae jai
Shono jodi konodin
Ami hathat bhabnahin
Rakhini kothao mor thikanai
Jeno khoja je amar sesh
Tai holam niruddesh
Sathe kore sudhu hridoitai
Mone bhabna tabu ghire royeche sodai
Ato chawa niye kothae jai

I remember the first time I heard this song… open ground at Presidency College… it was quite late… I was discussing with my friends the pros n cons of staying back a bit longer…no bus… very late… dad will scream… no one is going that way… then she started singing… we just stood there… spellbound… I felt like a fist has slammed into my stomach… tears flowed down my face… I couldn’t stop… I didn’t want to…since then every time I hear this song I cry… this is my song… this is me… waiting for the day when I will disappear in unknown world to take my dreams to a place they haven’t seen…

Today I sit here with this song playing in a loop… again n again n again… I try to put together all the emotions that confronted me today… trying to put down all the words that jostled inside my head the whole day… but they refuse to come out… they refuse to take any form…they slide past my fingers and run up my arm…. as if they want to eat into my flesh and slowly turn my bones into dust…

The blue funk is spreading… everywhere… swallowing everyone… I settle down in a shroud of dull numbness … somewhere a voice says “be warned: numbness can be addictive”… but it bounces off the wall around me… unheard…

Maybe sleep will help… but as Death told me: sleep is a little indifferent… pillow is always wet with thoughts, and some new tears…. so the head doesn’t rest properly….